Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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