The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
