a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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