She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
