it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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