community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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