So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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