Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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