So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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