I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
