now i know why i became what i already was.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
