if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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