at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
