I love black thongs
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just found puke in my bra..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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