could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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