man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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