A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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