I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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