he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
did i just pee glitter
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
