College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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