My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
