One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
