But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
