They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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