That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
