roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
