he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
