He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
