i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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