Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
