if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
