I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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