i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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