So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
