Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
