I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
