I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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