God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
