can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
