Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Randomize
