You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
