you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
