He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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