Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
