You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel like abortions should bother me more
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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