Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
