just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
