I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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