hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
