Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
