He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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